Do you tell the new wife?

I witnessed a conversation the other day where a gal was asking if she needed to tell her ex's fiance about his abusive behavior and addiction.

What a touchy subject!!!!! On the one hand, you feel bad not telling the new wife about what you went through because if it were you, you'd want to know. On the other hand, is it your place?

Oh the conflict.

When I found myself in a similar situation, I knew that my ex would have a fit if I approached his fiance and told her . . . anything. He would have flipped.

But, at the same time, I would want to know if it was me.

So what did I do? I simply let her know that I was available to talk. Because, for me, it wasn't worth the backlash my kid and I would get from Ex if I had done any more than that. But that way she knew that I was open to discussing things if she had brought it up.

How about you? Did you talk to your Ex's fiance? (Or your fiance's ex?)

I will not be scared to try

(I am not a lawyer, psychologist, or professional of any kind. These are just my thoughts as they pertain to me. You may want to seek out your own lawyer, psychologist, safety center, police, etc. depending on your own situation. Only you can know your situation.)

"The court won't care about what he is doing."

"He is only hurting himself...most of the time."

"He can control himself... I think."


So many women are too scared to take their ex (or current spouse) to court to ask for something like supervised, or in some cases, limited visitation. And you know what, I don't blame them for part of it. The court system is a wild card, a system where you turn your whole life over to the Judge and just pray like crazy that he or she makes a good decision.

There are horror stories, yes. About courts who went the wrong way, who made crazy decisions.

And, yes, legal battles are expensive. Believe me, I know.

And, yes, many exes respond in scary ways.

These are honestly scary things.

But then there is the opposite side. The part of me that wants to scream at the women who sit back and do nothing when they know that their kids are in danger. The women who know that their ex is abusive, addicted, etc. and they do nothing to protect their kids.

I will not be one of those women who simply sends her kids into danger just because she is too scared to try and protect them.

I do my best to present the facts and proof when we are in court, and when we are out of court and my kid goes with my ex I pray like crazy. My kid knows about keeping your body private, my kid knows about not keeping secrets, and my kid knows that they can talk to me about anything, and my kid knows that they can use teachers or church leaders if they needs someone to talk to as well.

Honestly, in many ways I feel let down by our court system. And in other ways I have been very grateful for it.

Either way, I know that taking the time and patience to present the true facts to the Commissioner is worth it to me. Because my kid is worth it. I try to be calm, concise, having gathered the facts and necessary paperwork, having tried to work out whatever the issue is outside of court if possible, I try to be reasonable, and I I tell it how it is.

I'm not saying that it is easy. In fact, it is not. But my kid is worth it.

My kid deserves my best. My kid deserves safety.