Final Divorce Agreement 1 : Always reread the document

Trying to come up with a final divorce agreement is like trying to catch a trout with your bare hands.

Frustrating, seemingly impossible, and sometimes fishy.

There are so many parts to a final agreement, that we will probably never finish talking about the subject. But we can definitely start. Remember that I am not a professional of any kind, but this is from my personal experience.

A final Agreement (aka Stipulation) is the paperwork that the parties come up with together to be their governing paperwork. It discusses things like custody, what expenses the parents share, how the parties are splitting up the assets, and other important issues.

Today we are going to talk about the fishy part of divorce agreements. Or, hopefully, the lack thereof.

Whenever you are sending any paperwork back and forth, from party to party, ALWAYS READ THROUGH IT AGAIN. I have had a couple of friends who later went back to check on something in the agreement and realized that their ex had slipped something in without them knowing it. And now, because they signed the agreement, they have to live by it.

Always read through what you sign.

Documents can be edited and retyped. Words can be added and redacted.

Have a list of things that are important for you, that are your must haves and have a list of things that your ex wants but that you don't want. Compare the paperwork with each step to make sure that the things you want that are supposed to be in the paperwork are still there, and that your ex hasn't added anything that shouldn't be in there.

See, at least in my case, one of us came up with an initial agreement. Then we sent it  back and forth. When I would send it to him, he would send it back with what he would agree to. Then I would look at his changes and send him back what I would agree to. It's called Negotiating.

And, really, it was much harder than that. There were times that my ex refused to negotiate. If he didn't want it, he just dropped it all together.  Getting to the end of our agreement was like pulling teeth. And it was very expensive and time consuming.

Read through what you sign and compare the document to your lists. It may save you a lot of grief later.

I will write more about Final Divorce Agreements in upcoming posts.

SHHHHHHH! You are being recorded!

SHHHHHHHHHH!

Quiet! When you are in the court room, whisper. And not the theatrical whisper where every single person in the seats behind you, your ex across the way, and the judge can hear you.

Plus, you are being recorded.

I repeat: YOU ARE BEING RECORDED!!!!!!!!!

The funniest -or not funny at all really - thing is when you get a copy of the recording and you hear something that one of the parties meant solely for their lawyer.

Oh, we all do it. We all whisper to our lawyers at some point, whether there is something that you feel is important for your lawyer to know or they ask you a question.

But unless you want everyone to know what you are saying, whisper quietly.

We will talk later about getting a copy of the recording and about talking to your lawyer in the court room.

Think about the kids

This scene from hope floats always has me reacting the same way. First, I get mad. How dare the best friend and husband have an affair! And then I tear up the moment I see the little girl crying in the audience. 

The whole, horrific scene goes by, Bullock's character gets her heart broken on television, her husband and best friend admit to having an affair, etc. etc. and you don't know until the end that the little girl has been sitting there the whole time.

Your kids are smart. They pick up on more than you think they do. Think before you speak, before you let them have a seat in an audience they shouldn't be in. They'll see enough as it is. 

I am always shocked at some of the things my ex and his wife do or say in front of my kid. Even just the things that I see. And then I'll get comments about what was seen later because kids notice things, and it doesn't always go over their heads.

I'm sure your kids are the same way.

Be aware.

Should have prepared item descriptions for court...

I once saw a Commissioner ask someone to describe an item that the two parties were in disagreement over, and the person kind of hmmed and hawed and in the end gave an answer that only vaguely described it.

I remember thinking to myself, now that I still only had a vague idea of the vehicle they were describing, that they should have come up with a better description before coming to court.

If the item is that important, be able to describe it in detail to someone else. And not in a way that means you have to have a specialized knowledge of that item to understand.

We spend all this time describing conversations, events, happenings between the two parties, and then can't even help the Commissioner by describing an item?

Just keep it in mind.