Pause, Think

So there I was, looking at my ex and his wife. They had come to pick up my kid for a visit, and they were standing in my living room.

Kid gets all excited about something Kid is finally big enough to do and tells them about it. The excitement fills up the room.

Ex's wife freaks out because she doesn't approve of what kid is telling them.

I try to diffuse the conversation by reminding Ex's wife that Kid is getting older, and is at the recommended age.

Ex's wife freaks out some more. Snapping at me, saying that the kid is not big enough yet. she starts rolling her eyes at my answers, and the attitude comes out.

My ex just patted her on the shoulder, not caring to say anything but obviously recognizing that the way she was acting wasn't good at all.

I pause. This conversation could go one of three ways.

1) I snap back at her and everything escalates.

2) I don't say anything and then my kid is left thinking about what the Ex's wife said and wondering if it is true.

3) I take a deep breath, put as nice a smile on  my face as I could muster, and set the record straight.


Which one do you think I did?

Yup, number 3!

So I smiled and said that we've been waiting until kid was old enough and big enough, and that it is totally safe because Kid reaches all of the recommendations.

Ex's wife snaps back, apparently knowing better, and rolls her eyes some more.

I pause. This conversation could go one of three ways.

1) I throw her out of my house for fighting with me like this in front of my kid.

2) I don't respond, just smile nicely.

3) I smile nicely and tell her that if she can't be nice then she doesn't have to be a part of pick ups.


Which one do you think I did?

Yup, number 3!


Basically, I said that we are following the recommendations, and that we made sure that Kid was well within the government's recommendations before taking this next step. Then the Ex's wife was told that if she can't be civil, she doesn't have to be a part of pick up time.

She didn't like being told that, but... maybe she should have paused and thought about what she was going to say next.

Pause. Think.

Because sometimes I do decide that silence is the best answer. And sometimes I need that pause so I don't react the same way that my Ex and his wife
are acting. And, when something does need to be said? That pause helps me to say it calmly and nicely.

Pause. Think.

And don't roll your eyes.