Do you need to rehash all the details of your paperwork in court?

The last time I was in the court room, I about had a heart attack because of all the details my lawyer wasn't talking about. All the points he wasn't arguing.

I kept thinking, "We are letting the opportunity to argue these points and make sure that the Commissioner knows the truth pass us by!"

And meanwhile my ex was rehashing every single detail (and untruth) from his paperwork.

But then, in the end, the Commissioner made his decision as if we had argued all our details.

My lawyer told me later that the Commissioner reads all of the paperwork, and so we didn't need to rehash every little detail.

Now, I have also had instances where the Commissioner said that he didn't look at a specific piece of paperwork, so... that was frustrating.

But, I digress. I was told that the Commissioner in general reads the arguments and is prepared before you get there. Not that you shouldn't say any of your points, of course.

But personally I will be keeping this in mind before I have a heart attack.

It is hard because the court literally has your life in their hands and it is natural for you to want to make sure they have all the facts. There really is no easy answer when it comes to court.

What it all comes down to is... talk to your lawyer about it and make sure your paperwork is in order and complete. Plus, when the Commissioner looks back in your case to see what has happened, they will look at your past paperwork.

Final Divorce Agreement 2 : The Life Insurance Policy

(Remember that I am not a lawyer, this is purely from my personal experience. You should check with a lawyer before you act)

My final agreement includes that my ex has to obtain a life insurance policy.

It makes sense, really. If he were to die, then my child wouldn't get any child support from him (however small it is). So the idea of the life insurance is that it would give my child the money in liu of child support.

But you have to do it right. And not just hope it gets done right, you have to put it in the agreement in such a way that you know it will get done in a correct and timely manner.

1) My child is the beneficiary.

This is a given. If the money is for her, it should go to her.

2) I am the trustee.

Sometimes they call the trustee something else, but it all comes down to the same thing. The money is entrusted with you. After all, the beneficiary is a minor.

This is a very very important step. Could you imagine what would happen if I wasn't the trustee? Simply put: I wouldn't want to have to go through someone else to get the money.

3) I put in a clause that will make sure this gets done.

Without going into too much details, we agreed to put in a clause that he would get one of the things he wanted in the agreement only after he correctly secured the insurance.


4) The insurance has to be at least $200,000, kept until my child is 18 years old.


Things I wish I had put in:

1) The court ended up having to specify to my ex that I should be able to have continued access to the policy to make sure that it is kept up and correct. It was a pain, he was fighting it, and I had to get the court to clear this issue up. We were in court for something else, but I brought this up and they clarified.

2) I wish I had put in a clause that spelled out what would happen if the policy was ever neglected or incorrect. Something that would stop us from having to go back to court in the case that that happened.

How to document texts

In any kind of court case, it is important that you fully document any evidence. This can include text messages. 

Sometimes someone will text you something that might be used in court, or sometimes you may want to just document any communication you have with someone to protect yourself.

My first attorney told me to literally take pictures of the text. I literally just snap a photo of my phone and the text on it, like in the picture above only there would be a text there. (note: this is not a picture of my phone, but a picture of a phone). 

And then I also keep a copied log of all texts and emails together in a timeline of how I received them.

I have submitted text messages with key information on them as evidence and they helped my case. Though, a note to you, ask your attorney if you need to submit the whole conversation. I had submitted text messages that could stand by themselves, but the court wanted to see both sides. This makes it hard when someone sends you a text and that is the extent of the conversation. That is part of why I log text messages in chronological order, too. 

I wish I didn't have to be so thorough in logging. But when you are dealing with people who have no problem lying, then you have to document things just to protect yourself, to be able to show the truth about how simple events happened.

Remember, I am not an attorney. Ask your attorney about this.