If I marry a Divorced Man

I've said it before and I'll say it again: A person's true character comes out during a divorce.

The best and the worst of someone can be seen on the battlefields of the court room, the parental visitation pick-up sites, and -forbid- social media.

I know men that basically still take care of their Ex. They make sure that their family, married or not, is taken care of. The kids have fun stuff, the lawn stays mowed, the kids take part in extracurricular activities even if they fall on the statute Wednesday. Some of them even take vacations with their ex and share the holliday table. They have both gotten remarried, and still they keep the family together.

I did not get an EX like that.

However, I think it says a great deal about someone who keeps up on their responsibilities like that.

Of course I think it depends on your situation. I wouldn't blame my friend whose wife cheated on him if he didn't want to take her on vacations.

Yeah . . .

But, I think a lot about a person can be shown by how they go through a divorce.

If I were to date a divorced person seriously, I would insist on reading the paperwork.

Do you tell the new wife?

I witnessed a conversation the other day where a gal was asking if she needed to tell her ex's fiance about his abusive behavior and addiction.

What a touchy subject!!!!! On the one hand, you feel bad not telling the new wife about what you went through because if it were you, you'd want to know. On the other hand, is it your place?

Oh the conflict.

When I found myself in a similar situation, I knew that my ex would have a fit if I approached his fiance and told her . . . anything. He would have flipped.

But, at the same time, I would want to know if it was me.

So what did I do? I simply let her know that I was available to talk. Because, for me, it wasn't worth the backlash my kid and I would get from Ex if I had done any more than that. But that way she knew that I was open to discussing things if she had brought it up.

How about you? Did you talk to your Ex's fiance? (Or your fiance's ex?)

Remember to get separate receipts!

Lots of final divorce agreements -probably most if not all if I am guessing- say that both parties have to split medical costs. Including dental/vision, etc. 

Personally, my privacy is hugely important to me! I don't really want my ex to see what I paid for at the eye doctor. He doesn't need to know how much my new glasses cost. 

Because of this, I always have the office separate the receipts. One for my  kid, one for me. That way I can simply send my ex the receipt for my kid and not worry about him seeing my personal medical business.

Do you care about this? What do you do?

Keep a list of your Ex's information on your phone.

My tip of the day:

Keep a list of your ex's information on your phone.

You never know when you might need their information in a pinch and you don't have time to go home and get it. I have a file on my phone that has the following information on my ex:

-Name (though you should just remember this one)
-Birthdate (you probably remember this one too)
-Address (It's amazing how easily it is to forget the exact house number)
-License Plate Number
-Color, Make, and Model of their car
- Emergency contact numbers (their spouse, parents, siblings, etc.)
- Work Contact Information


I also have some other information that pertains specifically to my case or what I might need. Only you can know what that information is.


Do you have other information you make sure to have on hand?

Way to remind me that I'm single!

Guess what! I've been invited to this big 'ol party and I'm super excited!

So I log into facebook to RSVP (because EVERYTHING is on facebook these days. I mean really. Could a party invite be any less classy than if it is on facebook?).

These are the options:

A: I am coming and bringing my spouse/significant other

B: I cannot come/ I don't want to come

C: I am coming by myself

D: I don't know if I am coming.



First off . . . sigh. YES, letter C. I am coming BY MYSELF! All by my lonesome, and thanks for reminding me.

Second off . . . why is this option C? Am I, as a loner, below option B? The people not coming or who don't want to come? Really?!

Now, I jest. Sort of. I get why they ask it like this and so would I. They want to know how many people to plan for. So, I get it.

But talk about the ultimate set up! Yay: you are invited to a party! And then the let down: And you get to tell everyone that you're coming alone.  Woohoo!

However then I think about the fact that it may be a good thing to let everyone know that I am coming alone. It's the easy way of saying, Hey! If we hit it off at this party, feel free to get my number! I'm alone and available!

Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I need to print out t-shirts that say: "Are you Option C, male, have any semblance of morality, and financially stable? Call me!"

Or . . .

Maybe I need to organize the Option C after party. Yeah . . .! Option A: you are not invited.

I guess it is all how you look at it. :)

A letter to lawyers and their clients

Dear Attorneys and Attorneys' Clients alike,

A while back, my Attorney and I were at a stand-off. I was telling him what I wanted to ask the court and my ex for, and he was telling me that the things I was asking for were unlikely to happen.

Note: he wasn't saying that my requests were wrong, just that in his experience unlikely.

This lawyer is relatively new to my case, and I tried to explain to him my relationship with my Ex, the history of my case and why the things I was asking for would probably happen. That I wasn't just pulling these requests out of a hat, I had precedence and good reason to ask for them.

My lawyer agreed to ask for my requests, but basically he was advising me that I wouldn't get what I was asking for.

I was frustrated, and worried. It isn't easy to do something on your own like that, solely relying on your own knowledge of your case.

A couple weeks later, my Ex had agreed to each one of my requests, and I had agreed to his.

I think my lawyer went into shock.

But here's the thing. My lawyer has a load of knowledge that I need and don't have. He has a law degree, knowledge of the workings in the court, etc. I need him! But I also have a load of knowledge that my lawyer needs. I could tell what my Ex was looking for, and what had happened to make me ask for these things. I can tell the state of my case and how my ex feels about things usually a lot better than any of my lawyers ever have been able to. I am living my case, they aren't. It's as simple as that.

I'm not suggesting that I should always just go out on my own like that. Many times I have ditched what I wanted and gone with my lawyer's suggestion. And even if my lawyer disagrees with me, I need to know that. I need to walk into the court room having been well advised.

And, it could have easily gone the way my lawyer had thought it would. You really never know, do you?

The point is, lawyer and client need each other. You both have an expertise that the other doesn't. And that is important to your case.

Your Friend,

Dee

"Classic Groom" for sale?

Found this at Wally-world! I've been going about this the wrong way, man! I had no idea it was this easy to get a "classic groom." 2 bucks in the clearance section AND he comes with a tux!