About Me

My Story

My husband and I were your typical, young, poor student, couple.  A couple of months before my first Baby was due, something changed. Sure we had always had our little issues to work through and we weren't perfect, but suddenly he was perpetually moody. He started growling deep in his throat (literally)and snapping. Even his Mother took notice and told me that he should be treating me better than he was. I attributed his behavior to stress at work and school.

Nothing changed until a month after the baby was born. He had been in a particularly depressed mood one day, and was much quieter than normal. He asked if we could go for a ride and talk. On that ride he told me that he had been viewing Pornography. He claimed that this had been going on for a couple of months (from about the time he got moody) and that he had been physically stimulating himself for our whole marriage.

Suddenly things clicked into place. Conversations, weird occurrences, strange things that happened around him suddenly made a little more sense. I felt sick.

We separated for a couple of months, but immediately started marriage counseling, personal counseling for his addictions, and group counseling for his addictions. We also started having regular meetings with our church leaders. When things weren't improving, it was suggested that we try working it out under the same roof. After that, things seemed to be a little better. Though something, a nagging feeling inside, warned me that something was still off.

A couple of months later I asked him if there was anything else he should tell me. He said no, but the look in his eyes told me that he wasn't being completely truthful. So I asked him if there was anything he was wondering if he should tell me. As he answered, and told me more and more details over the next 24 hours, my world seemed to crumble around me. Apparently he had been using pseudo child porn. It's a dangerous, addictive substance, has almost no difference from regular child porn except that it is legal.

My path was clear. Pornography, though extremely difficult, can be worked through in a marriage. But things that concern children? Incest? And that is what he's getting his highs on? No way.

We separated again, this time for good, and the divorce proceedings began. The next few years brought a myriad of experiences, stress, shock, and a whole host of other things. I am still dealing with this. In fact, we have just barely signed a final agreement after being in divorce proceedings for longer than our marriage lasted.

I figure that I could help others by sharing my experiences. Obviously I have changed names and identifying details.