Someone told me the other day that he gets along with his Ex wife really well. And all I could do was stand there and be like, "Yep . . . that's not what it is like for me."
Because my ex husband is addicted to fighting.
Sometimes I say, Man! I wish there were no problems between me and my ex. But then we wouldn't be divorced, would we. So that is a moot point.
So, what do I do when he keeps trying to fight?
1. I let any and all insults roll off of my shoulders. I don't let the person who is trying to tear me down have a say over my feelings.
2. I take a deep breath and try not to return the fight. I say what I feel needs to be said and I try to be nice about it. I try not to keep the fight going.
3. I decide if there is anything that I can give on. Is this something that matters? Is this something that will set a precedent? Is this something that I can be flexible on? If I need to, I give in.
4. I decide if there is anything that can't give on. Is this something that matters? Is this something that will set a precedent? If I need to, I stand firm. I don't let him bully me or threaten me.
5. I always communicate with my Ex as if he is planning to submit my e-mails to the court. I do this mainly because I have learned that at some point in time, most of my e-mails will be submitted by him to the court. I be nice, I don't return the fight, I do my best to decide when to be flexible and when to be firm. Our Commissioner has said he likes to see the communication on a subject. But it isn't just about the court. It is about me trying to have a decent, to the point conversation with someone.
I don't want to fall into the fighting trap!
No comments:
Post a Comment