When Your Ex Starts Dating

When I first got divorced, I couldn't imagine my Ex dating any time soon. Not that I thought he wouldn't jump right in, but per the reasons of the divorce I was hoping he'd give himself time to figure some things out.

However, that's not really his style. He jumped right in.

I actually ran into him multiple times at Singles events. Which was . . . awkward. I mean, REALLY awkward. Especially because we have a bunch of the same friends, so we saw a lot of each other.

Nothing kills the mood at a singles event when you're hanging out with your Ex husband who was at the time trying to drag you to court any chance he got.

A couple of times I ran into him while he was on dates. Seeing him with another woman wasn't weird, though. I felt like I'd moved on already, so seeing him with someone else didn't really phase me. The awkwardness came from just being at singles events with him.

The other thing is that it makes you think about your own relationship status. Or lack there of. Which is not fun.

So how do you deal with that? How do you deal with the weird, awkward feelings of your Ex dating?

Personally, I just thought about all the reasons for the divorce. I thought about how I was treated, how I am still treated, and everything else. And all of a sudden it didn't matter that I was running into him in awkward places. Because what his relationship status was didn't apply to me. In fact, I have a court document saying that it DOESN'T APPLY TO ME. I'd moved on anyway, and life isn't a race.

Besides, some people have this incredible need to be in a relationship. It is unhealthy, and doesn't reflect on anything with you.

What are your thoughts?

When Divorced, when should you start dating?

Ah, the age-old re-occurring question:

"I'm getting divorced. When should I start dating?"

Some people mean this question in a "I am so excited to be moving on with my life, so when is the first possible moment I can put myself out there again" and some people mean this question in a "I am so traumatized from my marriage that I want to know the last possible moment that it seems acceptable for me to still not be putting myself out there again."

Did that rambling make sense? I hope so.

The problem with this question is that everyone has an a different opinion. Depending on who you ask, the answer will change drastically.

However, for me, it comes down to this:

1. Wait until the divorce is final. Judge signed, waiting period over FINAL.

For me, Dating while you are married at all is a no-go. Not only from a religious standpoint, but as a woman I don't want my guy legally attached to someone else. Not only is that creepy and disturbing, but generally we refer to that as cheating.

I don't want a guy that is ok with that in any degree, and I don't want a guy to think that I am ok with that to any degree.

2. Once the divorce is final, go with your gut.

Only you can know when you are ready to jump back into the dating scene. But it's OK to start slow. After all, it's weird to suddenly be in the singles scene again. But that is a post for another time.


What do you think? When is it OK to start dating?

If I marry a Divorced Man

I've said it before and I'll say it again: A person's true character comes out during a divorce.

The best and the worst of someone can be seen on the battlefields of the court room, the parental visitation pick-up sites, and -forbid- social media.

I know men that basically still take care of their Ex. They make sure that their family, married or not, is taken care of. The kids have fun stuff, the lawn stays mowed, the kids take part in extracurricular activities even if they fall on the statute Wednesday. Some of them even take vacations with their ex and share the holliday table. They have both gotten remarried, and still they keep the family together.

I did not get an EX like that.

However, I think it says a great deal about someone who keeps up on their responsibilities like that.

Of course I think it depends on your situation. I wouldn't blame my friend whose wife cheated on him if he didn't want to take her on vacations.

Yeah . . .

But, I think a lot about a person can be shown by how they go through a divorce.

If I were to date a divorced person seriously, I would insist on reading the paperwork.

Do you tell the new wife?

I witnessed a conversation the other day where a gal was asking if she needed to tell her ex's fiance about his abusive behavior and addiction.

What a touchy subject!!!!! On the one hand, you feel bad not telling the new wife about what you went through because if it were you, you'd want to know. On the other hand, is it your place?

Oh the conflict.

When I found myself in a similar situation, I knew that my ex would have a fit if I approached his fiance and told her . . . anything. He would have flipped.

But, at the same time, I would want to know if it was me.

So what did I do? I simply let her know that I was available to talk. Because, for me, it wasn't worth the backlash my kid and I would get from Ex if I had done any more than that. But that way she knew that I was open to discussing things if she had brought it up.

How about you? Did you talk to your Ex's fiance? (Or your fiance's ex?)

Remember to get separate receipts!

Lots of final divorce agreements -probably most if not all if I am guessing- say that both parties have to split medical costs. Including dental/vision, etc. 

Personally, my privacy is hugely important to me! I don't really want my ex to see what I paid for at the eye doctor. He doesn't need to know how much my new glasses cost. 

Because of this, I always have the office separate the receipts. One for my  kid, one for me. That way I can simply send my ex the receipt for my kid and not worry about him seeing my personal medical business.

Do you care about this? What do you do?

Keep a list of your Ex's information on your phone.

My tip of the day:

Keep a list of your ex's information on your phone.

You never know when you might need their information in a pinch and you don't have time to go home and get it. I have a file on my phone that has the following information on my ex:

-Name (though you should just remember this one)
-Birthdate (you probably remember this one too)
-Address (It's amazing how easily it is to forget the exact house number)
-License Plate Number
-Color, Make, and Model of their car
- Emergency contact numbers (their spouse, parents, siblings, etc.)
- Work Contact Information


I also have some other information that pertains specifically to my case or what I might need. Only you can know what that information is.


Do you have other information you make sure to have on hand?

Way to remind me that I'm single!

Guess what! I've been invited to this big 'ol party and I'm super excited!

So I log into facebook to RSVP (because EVERYTHING is on facebook these days. I mean really. Could a party invite be any less classy than if it is on facebook?).

These are the options:

A: I am coming and bringing my spouse/significant other

B: I cannot come/ I don't want to come

C: I am coming by myself

D: I don't know if I am coming.



First off . . . sigh. YES, letter C. I am coming BY MYSELF! All by my lonesome, and thanks for reminding me.

Second off . . . why is this option C? Am I, as a loner, below option B? The people not coming or who don't want to come? Really?!

Now, I jest. Sort of. I get why they ask it like this and so would I. They want to know how many people to plan for. So, I get it.

But talk about the ultimate set up! Yay: you are invited to a party! And then the let down: And you get to tell everyone that you're coming alone.  Woohoo!

However then I think about the fact that it may be a good thing to let everyone know that I am coming alone. It's the easy way of saying, Hey! If we hit it off at this party, feel free to get my number! I'm alone and available!

Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I need to print out t-shirts that say: "Are you Option C, male, have any semblance of morality, and financially stable? Call me!"

Or . . .

Maybe I need to organize the Option C after party. Yeah . . .! Option A: you are not invited.

I guess it is all how you look at it. :)