Do you need to rehash all the details of your paperwork in court?

The last time I was in the court room, I about had a heart attack because of all the details my lawyer wasn't talking about. All the points he wasn't arguing.

I kept thinking, "We are letting the opportunity to argue these points and make sure that the Commissioner knows the truth pass us by!"

And meanwhile my ex was rehashing every single detail (and untruth) from his paperwork.

But then, in the end, the Commissioner made his decision as if we had argued all our details.

My lawyer told me later that the Commissioner reads all of the paperwork, and so we didn't need to rehash every little detail.

Now, I have also had instances where the Commissioner said that he didn't look at a specific piece of paperwork, so... that was frustrating.

But, I digress. I was told that the Commissioner in general reads the arguments and is prepared before you get there. Not that you shouldn't say any of your points, of course.

But personally I will be keeping this in mind before I have a heart attack.

It is hard because the court literally has your life in their hands and it is natural for you to want to make sure they have all the facts. There really is no easy answer when it comes to court.

What it all comes down to is... talk to your lawyer about it and make sure your paperwork is in order and complete. Plus, when the Commissioner looks back in your case to see what has happened, they will look at your past paperwork.

Final Divorce Agreement 2 : The Life Insurance Policy

(Remember that I am not a lawyer, this is purely from my personal experience. You should check with a lawyer before you act)

My final agreement includes that my ex has to obtain a life insurance policy.

It makes sense, really. If he were to die, then my child wouldn't get any child support from him (however small it is). So the idea of the life insurance is that it would give my child the money in liu of child support.

But you have to do it right. And not just hope it gets done right, you have to put it in the agreement in such a way that you know it will get done in a correct and timely manner.

1) My child is the beneficiary.

This is a given. If the money is for her, it should go to her.

2) I am the trustee.

Sometimes they call the trustee something else, but it all comes down to the same thing. The money is entrusted with you. After all, the beneficiary is a minor.

This is a very very important step. Could you imagine what would happen if I wasn't the trustee? Simply put: I wouldn't want to have to go through someone else to get the money.

3) I put in a clause that will make sure this gets done.

Without going into too much details, we agreed to put in a clause that he would get one of the things he wanted in the agreement only after he correctly secured the insurance.


4) The insurance has to be at least $200,000, kept until my child is 18 years old.


Things I wish I had put in:

1) The court ended up having to specify to my ex that I should be able to have continued access to the policy to make sure that it is kept up and correct. It was a pain, he was fighting it, and I had to get the court to clear this issue up. We were in court for something else, but I brought this up and they clarified.

2) I wish I had put in a clause that spelled out what would happen if the policy was ever neglected or incorrect. Something that would stop us from having to go back to court in the case that that happened.

How to document texts

In any kind of court case, it is important that you fully document any evidence. This can include text messages. 

Sometimes someone will text you something that might be used in court, or sometimes you may want to just document any communication you have with someone to protect yourself.

My first attorney told me to literally take pictures of the text. I literally just snap a photo of my phone and the text on it, like in the picture above only there would be a text there. (note: this is not a picture of my phone, but a picture of a phone). 

And then I also keep a copied log of all texts and emails together in a timeline of how I received them.

I have submitted text messages with key information on them as evidence and they helped my case. Though, a note to you, ask your attorney if you need to submit the whole conversation. I had submitted text messages that could stand by themselves, but the court wanted to see both sides. This makes it hard when someone sends you a text and that is the extent of the conversation. That is part of why I log text messages in chronological order, too. 

I wish I didn't have to be so thorough in logging. But when you are dealing with people who have no problem lying, then you have to document things just to protect yourself, to be able to show the truth about how simple events happened.

Remember, I am not an attorney. Ask your attorney about this.

Final Divorce Agreement 1 : Always reread the document

Trying to come up with a final divorce agreement is like trying to catch a trout with your bare hands.

Frustrating, seemingly impossible, and sometimes fishy.

There are so many parts to a final agreement, that we will probably never finish talking about the subject. But we can definitely start. Remember that I am not a professional of any kind, but this is from my personal experience.

A final Agreement (aka Stipulation) is the paperwork that the parties come up with together to be their governing paperwork. It discusses things like custody, what expenses the parents share, how the parties are splitting up the assets, and other important issues.

Today we are going to talk about the fishy part of divorce agreements. Or, hopefully, the lack thereof.

Whenever you are sending any paperwork back and forth, from party to party, ALWAYS READ THROUGH IT AGAIN. I have had a couple of friends who later went back to check on something in the agreement and realized that their ex had slipped something in without them knowing it. And now, because they signed the agreement, they have to live by it.

Always read through what you sign.

Documents can be edited and retyped. Words can be added and redacted.

Have a list of things that are important for you, that are your must haves and have a list of things that your ex wants but that you don't want. Compare the paperwork with each step to make sure that the things you want that are supposed to be in the paperwork are still there, and that your ex hasn't added anything that shouldn't be in there.

See, at least in my case, one of us came up with an initial agreement. Then we sent it  back and forth. When I would send it to him, he would send it back with what he would agree to. Then I would look at his changes and send him back what I would agree to. It's called Negotiating.

And, really, it was much harder than that. There were times that my ex refused to negotiate. If he didn't want it, he just dropped it all together.  Getting to the end of our agreement was like pulling teeth. And it was very expensive and time consuming.

Read through what you sign and compare the document to your lists. It may save you a lot of grief later.

I will write more about Final Divorce Agreements in upcoming posts.

SHHHHHHH! You are being recorded!

SHHHHHHHHHH!

Quiet! When you are in the court room, whisper. And not the theatrical whisper where every single person in the seats behind you, your ex across the way, and the judge can hear you.

Plus, you are being recorded.

I repeat: YOU ARE BEING RECORDED!!!!!!!!!

The funniest -or not funny at all really - thing is when you get a copy of the recording and you hear something that one of the parties meant solely for their lawyer.

Oh, we all do it. We all whisper to our lawyers at some point, whether there is something that you feel is important for your lawyer to know or they ask you a question.

But unless you want everyone to know what you are saying, whisper quietly.

We will talk later about getting a copy of the recording and about talking to your lawyer in the court room.

Think about the kids

This scene from hope floats always has me reacting the same way. First, I get mad. How dare the best friend and husband have an affair! And then I tear up the moment I see the little girl crying in the audience. 

The whole, horrific scene goes by, Bullock's character gets her heart broken on television, her husband and best friend admit to having an affair, etc. etc. and you don't know until the end that the little girl has been sitting there the whole time.

Your kids are smart. They pick up on more than you think they do. Think before you speak, before you let them have a seat in an audience they shouldn't be in. They'll see enough as it is. 

I am always shocked at some of the things my ex and his wife do or say in front of my kid. Even just the things that I see. And then I'll get comments about what was seen later because kids notice things, and it doesn't always go over their heads.

I'm sure your kids are the same way.

Be aware.

Should have prepared item descriptions for court...

I once saw a Commissioner ask someone to describe an item that the two parties were in disagreement over, and the person kind of hmmed and hawed and in the end gave an answer that only vaguely described it.

I remember thinking to myself, now that I still only had a vague idea of the vehicle they were describing, that they should have come up with a better description before coming to court.

If the item is that important, be able to describe it in detail to someone else. And not in a way that means you have to have a specialized knowledge of that item to understand.

We spend all this time describing conversations, events, happenings between the two parties, and then can't even help the Commissioner by describing an item?

Just keep it in mind.