Remember the kids can hear you

I had never seen this deleted scene from Mrs. Doubtfire before. I think I agree with Today EXTRA that the movie was better without it.

Now, I agree with the mom in that it would honestly be disturbing if you found out that your ex had been dressing up as a woman to come and clean your house and watch your kids.

And, frankly, the kids would need to know that that isn't normal. Or healthy.

But, whatever the case. Whether you are right or not, think deep about whether it is something the kids should hear or not. Sometimes the kids may need to hear something, like that it isn't normal for their father to trick their mom into thinking he's a woman. But sometimes then it is very inappropriate for the kids to overhear something.

I am dealing with this constantly. My ex and his spouse are constantly saying or doing things that I want to say, "Hello! Hello! The kid can hear you!!! What are you thinking?"

Or the worst is when my kid expresses a concern and they brush it off or say that it is unfounded.

Children are human beings. Have some respect and know that they aren't just an impartial bystander. They can hear you!

Divorce Survival Kit

Be nice to your family's exes

One of the things I had to mourn the most over, after the divorce, was the loss of my ex-husband's family. In my case it happened overnight. We were supposedly working things out, and I suddenly stopped getting invited to family events.

Why Dee, that's weird!

Yes, but I know the reason. See, I think my Ex's family wanted to hide the fact we were having issues from the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents.

So there wasn't any "goodbye" period. Which made it harder. Suddenly I was just out of the family.

I felt particularly close to one side of the family, and that was the hardest. I felt like my Ex had made all of these choices, and yet I was being punished for them.

It was hard.

Then, in the past couple of years, I have either been contacted by a couple of them or they have treated me so nicely when we ran into each other.

This made me want to cry!

What a difference from his family members that can't look straight at me. That are snotty and can't even look in my direction.

If someone in your family gets divorced, please be nice to their Ex. I'm not saying that you have to agree with them, or that you have to take their side. But just being nice and even cordial can go a long way.

Do you have these issues with your ex's family?

3 Must Haves When Dealing With Your Ex!

Divorce is not fashionable

I am always surprised at how many divorce blogs try to make divorce seem sexy and fashionable.

Like, just because your marriage fell apart you are suddenly cool?

No. No, no, no.

There is a difference between "I am divorced and thus I am going to go on a journey to rediscover the things I love", and the complete opposite viewpoint of "I am divorced and thus I am awesome by default."

Divorce is sad. And if you are cool, it has nothing to do with your dissolution of marriage.

Divorce should be abhorred, not looked at like a pass to the popular table.

After you spend gobs and gobs of money, have worry after worry after worry, and are introduced to our "simple" court system, you might realize how UNCOOL divorce actually is.

Sometimes it is necessary. And sometimes divorce can lead to good things. That is why it exists at all. But divorce itself is not fun. It is not cool, and it is not awesome. And it is definitely not sexy.


What do you think? Are you cool because of your divorce? Or in spite of it?

The Sharing-info log

I hate logs. With a passion.

But I absolutely love what logs can accomplish. With a passion.

They are a pain to keep up, but they can be a life saver in a legal battle. Or just as a way to remember exactly what happened and when.

The log I want to talk about today is the "Sharing Information Log."


What: A log to track every time you share information with your ex

Why: Because sometimes exes like to claim that they are being kept out of the loop


I can say, "Yes. I did tell you about the tuba recital, on December 1st. In an e-mail." And it is easy for me to remember that because I put it in my sharing information log. And then I go to my e-mail log and pull out the e-mail I sent him.

I can say, "Yes. I did tell you about the medication the doctor prescribed. In a text message on December 1st." and then I pull the text from the e-mail log.

I WOULD NOT actually say it to my ex like I just put above. That sounds confrontational. But my point to you is to point out the information I can know from my log.


On the flip side, I also make notes about when I ask my ex about something and never get an answer. Or get an answer that is proved untrue.

This whole sharing information thing can go both ways and depends greatly on your custody arrangement, situation. etc.

But get your ducks in a row and if you need to for your situation, keep track of the information you share. And if you need to, the information your ex doesn't share.

If it is an issue, you have to document it.

(Remember I am not an attorney, and this is not advice for you specifically. This is purely my thoughts on what I have learned and my personal opinion. Consult a lawyer for your own situation.)

Do you keep the pictures and trinkets?

The question is, do you keep old pictures of you and your ex? Do you keep old keepsakes from your relationship?

I think a big part of the answer is another question: do you have children?

If you do have children, everything changes. If they are young enough that they won't remember you being together then you may want to just put some of the pictures/keepsakes in a box. Because at some point they may be curious and want to see these things.

Older kids may want to keep pictures in their scrap book or something. Or maybe something in their room? They are old enough to remember, so it would be different.

However, if you don't have kids then whatever. Put a page in your scrapbook to remember, and then toss the rest.

But, that is just me. What do you think? What would you do?  What did you do?