The secret no one told you about divorce

It seems that many people are under the impression that getting a divorce will solve all your problems. That if you just weren't married to that person, all would be well.

WRONG!

That's totally wrong. Of course divorce solves some pretty big problems, but sometimes it will make your problems worse.

The true test of a man or woman comes when they go through a divorce. Then you will see their true character.

Wow, that should be a meme!

Drum roll...

This is so true. Some people are really respectful, realistic, and nice in a divorce. I know a couple of guys who treat their ex wives with such amazing class! If I ever marry a divorced man, I hope he will have treated his ex in a kind way. I don't mean ignoring red flags, but you can take someone to court over some pretty heinous actions and simultaneously be nice. It can be done.

On the flip side, If your spouse is prone to causing problems, he or she may continue to do so after the divorce. Especially if you have kids. In my case, things got exponentially worse. It was like he was pulling the gloves off and no holds barred. The divorce led to him lashing out at me even more.

And now his favorite fighting place isn't at home, it's at the court house. 

At the same time, I am in a safer place. My family is still dealing with it, but it is better over all.

But for some people, the divorce can put them in a more dangerous place. If this is you, and your spouse would literally attack you, please get help from the police or from the women's shelter or something. Did you know that in the US you can request to have a police man come and be present during something? 

Also, divorce will not make your personal issues go away. You will still be mourning the divorce, you will still be dealing with the crap you experienced in your marriage if that is the case, and if there was trauma then you will still be healing.

In my case, I still had to deal with the crap and trauma. That didn't just go away. I still felt rejected, I still felt like I wasn't pretty enough, I still felt all the betrayal, and I still felt all of the other craptastic things our family had to go through. 

The divorce did help me to heal from the trauma because it put me in a better place to heal. Oh, I still get the same treatment if not worse from him, but now I just think, "Whatever, Ex."

What he says is still awful, no one should be treated like that. But I have grown to let it roll off.

So, the secret no one told you about divorce? It helps somethings, but not all. 

Divorce will not erase the trauma, it won't erase the crap, and it won't erase the pain of getting a divorce. You will still need to take steps to get you through to a healthy place.

And, if you are on the other side, please accept the consequences of your actions and use this opportunity to get any help that may be needed. 

So, get ya'all to a healthy place, you hear? Don't expect Divorce to do it for you. It doesn't work like that.