I will not be scared to try

(I am not a lawyer, psychologist, or professional of any kind. These are just my thoughts as they pertain to me. You may want to seek out your own lawyer, psychologist, safety center, police, etc. depending on your own situation. Only you can know your situation.)

"The court won't care about what he is doing."

"He is only hurting himself...most of the time."

"He can control himself... I think."


So many women are too scared to take their ex (or current spouse) to court to ask for something like supervised, or in some cases, limited visitation. And you know what, I don't blame them for part of it. The court system is a wild card, a system where you turn your whole life over to the Judge and just pray like crazy that he or she makes a good decision.

There are horror stories, yes. About courts who went the wrong way, who made crazy decisions.

And, yes, legal battles are expensive. Believe me, I know.

And, yes, many exes respond in scary ways.

These are honestly scary things.

But then there is the opposite side. The part of me that wants to scream at the women who sit back and do nothing when they know that their kids are in danger. The women who know that their ex is abusive, addicted, etc. and they do nothing to protect their kids.

I will not be one of those women who simply sends her kids into danger just because she is too scared to try and protect them.

I do my best to present the facts and proof when we are in court, and when we are out of court and my kid goes with my ex I pray like crazy. My kid knows about keeping your body private, my kid knows about not keeping secrets, and my kid knows that they can talk to me about anything, and my kid knows that they can use teachers or church leaders if they needs someone to talk to as well.

Honestly, in many ways I feel let down by our court system. And in other ways I have been very grateful for it.

Either way, I know that taking the time and patience to present the true facts to the Commissioner is worth it to me. Because my kid is worth it. I try to be calm, concise, having gathered the facts and necessary paperwork, having tried to work out whatever the issue is outside of court if possible, I try to be reasonable, and I I tell it how it is.

I'm not saying that it is easy. In fact, it is not. But my kid is worth it.

My kid deserves my best. My kid deserves safety.

The Benefits of a Kid Calendar

My kid has a lot of anxiety over visits with my ex. To say the least. So, to help with that, we got a calendar so that Sweetpea knows exactly when the visits are and are not. It is on the wall at reachable/readable height and Sweetpea got to pick out the calendar. Other events that Sweetpea wants to know about are written on there as well.

There are no surprises, Sweetpea knows exactly what is coming. Every day the calendar gets marked off and, like I said, there are no surprises.

Sweetpea still has anxiety, and there are still a lot of issues. But being able to know what the visit schedule is has helped for sure.

Do you have something that helps your kids cope with visit anxiety?

Can you marry someone with different political views?

The Question: Can you marry someone with different political views?

The Answer: Yes... but should you?


My ex was one of those that I think agreed with my political views while we were dating, just to appease a subject he knew was important to me. I always just assumed he wasn't as interested in politics as I was. When we'd talk about something and he learned more about it, then he would agree with me.

But then, when we were married, more and more things would happen until one day I had to admit: He's a [insert opposite political party here]! Or at least he often leans that way.

That had nothing to do with why we got divorced, or why we separated. But looking back, it definitely wasn't something that strengthened our marriage.

We all feel so dedicated to our beliefs, be they political or not. Same thing with religion, though probably more so. If you are at odds with your spouse over something so important to you, then it doesn't help anything.

I'm not saying it will kill your marriage, I am only saying that it won't help.

Next time I am marrying a [insert my same political party here]. And not one who is wishy washy. He's got to know what he is talking about.

By the way, while we are on the subject of politics, I am totally voting for [insert presidential candidate's name here]. And now you all know!

Final Divorce Agreement 6: If you don't include it, it won't matter

Maybe someone else's experience has been different (and do remember that I am not a lawyer, this is all my personal experience. Get a lawyer to get advice for yourself), but my experience has been thus:

If we didn't include something in our final agreement, then it isn't there. I know, that sounds super obvious. But consider: there are some topics that I didn't include in my agreement because I never thought it would be an issue.

For instance, there are some things that I thought were obvious. That of course we wouldn't have any issues with that. But my ex eventually put up a stink and now I wish I put those things in the agreement.

I know I am being vague, and it is mainly because every example I can think of has a "yes, but what about this..." application. In other words, I wish I had put some things in but at the same time there was a reason that I didn't. Whether it was because there wasn't a good way to put it in the agreement without it affecting other things, or it got left out in the negotiating process, etc.

I just wanted to tell you that what I have run into is if it isn't in the agreement, then it hasn't applied to my case. No matter how common sense I consider the issue to be.




For Past Final Divorce Agreement Posts, read:


Final Divorce Agreement 5: Contact Information

Final Divorce Agreement 4: Arrearage

Final Divorce Agreement 3: Transportation

Final Divorce Agreement 2: Life Insurance

Final Divorce Agreement 1: Always Reread the Document

When it always comes back to fighting

Someone told me the other day that he gets along with his Ex wife really well. And all I could do was stand there and be like, "Yep . . . that's not what it is like for me."

Because my ex husband is addicted to fighting.

Sometimes I say, Man! I wish there were no problems between me and my ex. But then we wouldn't be divorced, would we. So that is a moot point.

So, what do I do when he keeps trying to fight?

1. I let any and all insults roll off of my shoulders. I don't let the person who is trying to tear me down have a say over my feelings.

2. I take a deep breath and try not to return the fight. I say what I feel needs to be said and I try to be nice about it. I try not to keep the fight going.

3. I decide if there is anything that I can give on. Is this something that matters? Is this something that will set a precedent? Is this something that I can be flexible on? If I need to, I give in.

4. I decide if there is anything that can't give on. Is this something that matters? Is this something that will set a precedent? If I need to, I stand firm. I don't let him bully me or threaten me.

5. I always communicate with my Ex as if he is planning to submit my e-mails to the court. I do this mainly because I have learned that at some point in time, most of my e-mails will be submitted by him to the court. I be nice, I don't return the fight, I do my best to decide when to be flexible and when to  be firm. Our Commissioner has said he likes to see the communication on a subject. But it isn't just about the court. It is about me trying to have a decent, to the point conversation with someone.

I don't want to fall into the fighting trap!