Divorce and Social Media

Especially if you are going through legal proceedings, be careful about what you put on social media.

Really this is good advice for everybody, but it very much applies to those getting a divorce.

Why? Because you will be looked up. Your ex, their lawyer, maybe other third party professionals. They can all find out a lot about you on the internet. And things found on the internet CAN be used for or against you.

Bashing your ex, posting about wild parties, being generally rude, etc. are all things that can effect someone's perception of your character.

And once you put it out there it can never fully be recalled. Pictures, that really can say a thousand words, can be copied.

This is why I have a strict policy to not bash. I speak the truth, I do it tactfully, and I just keep a lot of things to myself.

It's not that you can't post, but be careful about it.

For example, I have a friend that got divorced a while back. I knew nothing of the divorce except from what I learned on Social Media.

She posted on Facebook a comment that announced the divorce, talked about her personal feelings, and said the general gist about what was going on.

He posted a very rude, slandering comment about how she was an awful mother and how he was glad to get away from her.

Which one do you think I naturally felt was handling it better?

Just, like in all things, try to handle yourself with class.

Take Pictures/ Document!

Note: I am not a lawyer or therapist. This is what I have learned from my own experiences and is not legal advice in any way. This might not be the best idea for your personal case.

I take pictures of everything. Otherwise, it never happened. Property Damage by ex? Take a picture of it. (Although that might be cause for a police report) Texts? I type them out and then take pictures of the text on my phone. Evidence on the computer such as on a social media site? Take a screen shot or save the picture.

I was in court one time, telling the court that my ex's wife had done something that was mean and painful to my daughter.  I had a picture that proves what she was doing. My ex stood there and said I was lying, that I was exaggerating. The court looked at the picture I had submitted and pointed it out to my ex. He was then told that his wife should stop doing that.

If I hadn't had the picture, it would have been his word against mine. This way the Commissioner could look at what I had submitted, see the evidence, and decide for himself what was really going on despite the conflicting reports given by me and my ex.

Rickie and the Flash/ spouses who cheat and leave

I went to see Rickie and the Flash and though I would not suggest you make a point of seeing this movie unless it was on TV, free, nothing else was on, and hopefully a bit edited, I did think it had value for a post. That sounds harsher than I meant it to be. 

There is a character in the movie who is grieving over the loss of her cheating husband. She takes his infidelity pretty roughly and completely "Lets herself go."

The whole time I am thinking, "Don't let him do this to you!" and "No more tears over such a creep!" and "Move on!" 

Though these things are easier said than done. Because we open ourselves up for an honest, true love experience which means that it hurts when the relationship goes south. 

But really what else could you have done if you wanted your marriage to have a chance? You have to open up your heart. 

Maybe it is hard to remember, maybe it is a hard thing to put into practice, but don't let your ex's stupid decisions bring you down. 

If you had a friend who's husband left them for another woman you wouldn't be telling her not get over him. You'd be comforting her and telling her that it was his loss and that he was a creep for cheating on her.

So, if this is your situation, take what would be your own advice! 

Watch how your spouse treats his Ex.

Watch how your spouse treats his ex. Because if you ever get divorced, that is how he will treat you. 

I know what you're saying: "But we won't ever get divorced!" "His ex wife was crazy!" or "He actually loves me!"

I hope that you never get divorced. It isn't much fun at all! But I'd bet your husband and his ex thought those same thoughts once upon a time too. Of course there are unforeseeable circumstances that cause divorces, but no one gets married planning to divorce. 

So, how does he treat his ex? Even if you're right and she is crazy, does he treat her with respect? Is he a decent human being to her? 

I know some men who are the nicest, most helpful ex-husbands a girl could ever dream of. They are still there when needed, they really support their kids, they are still nice.

I also know men who are NOT nice to their ex-wives. They try to get out of supporting their kids, they are rude, etc.

So, which one is your husband? 

Or, better yet, pay attention to how your boyfriend treats his ex wife. You want someone who, no matter the circumstances, is pleasant and reasonable. You can be in the middle of a very nasty court battle and still be decent when around each other. 

Hopefully you will never get divorced. But still pay attention to how he treats his ex. Know what kind of man you are dealing with. 

Who are the Petitioner and Respondent?

Who are the Petitioner and Respondent? 

Why, it's you of course! You and your ex.

Whoever petitions/ files first for divorce is the Petitioner.  And whoever is responding to that petition is the Respondent. And at least in my state (remember that each state has different procedures and rules) you will remain with those titles for the rest of your case.

If the Respondent brings an order to show cause against the Petitioner, the Respondent doesn't suddenly become the Petitioner. That would be confusing if for each hearing you had a new title. The Respondent stays the Respondent and the Petitioner stays the Petitioner. 

What does it mean if someone is "Pro Se"

When someone is Pro Se (pronounced Pro-Say), it means that they appear for themselves.

See the definition on the Free Dictionary Here .

Some people represent themselves and do not hire a lawyer. This is called Pro Se. 

I have never been Pro Se, but I still highly recommend NOT being Pro Se if you don't have to be. If you don't have a lawyer it means that you have to manage the system and court rules by yourself. Luckily there are resources for those people that need help with this, sometimes even through the court. Like pre-made forms and things like that.

But, at least in my jurisdiction, you can't have a lawyer retained and decide to just be Pro Se for one court date. Either you have a lawyer, or you don't.

Pros (that I have seen) for being Pro Se:

-You don't have to pay a lawyer

-You know your case better than anyone and are able to convey your argument however you want to.

Cons (that I have seen) for being Pro Se:

-Limited to no help legally

-You probably don't have any experience, may come across as cocky for choosing to be Pro Se

Unless you don't have a choice, don't be Pro Se. Lawyers are there to help you understand rules, due dates and timelines, etc. They give you advice. Many times a lawyer will know/have experience your judge or commissioner and be able to give you advice based on how that judge generally rules. I know lots of people who regretted not getting a lawyer in the beginning of their case. A bit of money now could save you the heartache of a bad deal later.

If money is an issue, check in to options for financially struggling or low income families. Legal aid type things. I will do a post on that topic in the future.

After the Custody Evaluation

Custody Evaluations can be very stressful. You feel like your whole life is in someone else's hands. Which, honestly, is pretty much true. Once it's over, though, it's not completely over. There is still something I would suggest doing.

Keep a log of major things that have happened since the Custody evaluation. These are things that if you ever found yourself in more interviews with your custody evaluater you would tell him or her.

You'll be amazed at how fast your memory fails you. You'll be thinking to yourself, "When did that event happen? Was it right before the custody evaluation, or right after?"

So then, if I think this to myself, I go check the log I've made.

Note: I talk A LOT about keeping logs. Financial logs, contact logs, post custody evaluation logs, etc. If you start them early, then you can just update them as you go. It is a huge undertaking, but totally worth it. Know what is going on in your case, have a handle on it. AND, whether your logs are on the computer or in hard copy, LABEL LABEL LABEL! Have things organized.

We'll talk more about organizing your divorce documents later.