Divorce: the Department Store Method

Divorce: the Department Store Method, By Dee Vorce

You ding the little bell on the counter and straight away the person who performed your marriage comes to assist you.  "Hello," you say, "I'd like to make a return."

He looks your spouse up and down, "Is there a problem with it?"

"Apparently my purchase was too hasty.  I thought it was a good deal at the time, but after a while I realized that I got taken."

"What exactly was the problem?"

You roll your eyes and tell him about the __________________(Insert problem here.  Aka: addiction, abuse, adultery, etc.)

The man behind the counter shakes his head, "I'm sorry you had to go through that, do you happen to have your receipt?"

You dig through your wallet a little bit, "I guess not."

"That's ok.  But since you don't have your receipt, I'm going to have to keep a re-stocking fee of half of all your assets."

"Half of all my assets?!"

"Why yes!  And also, I'm going to have to charge you a legal fee for all of this advice I'm giving you."

"A what?!  How much is that going to be?"

"I'm not sure, but I can tell you it will be a heck of a whole lot more than you plan on.  Let's start with $3,000."

You hand him a check, "But that's it, right?"

He chuckles to himself, "Oh no.  You may decide to pay a rehabilitation fee."

You point to your soon to be ex- spouse, "For them?"

"No, no.  For you.  You may decide to go see one of our customer service agents to help you through this hard time.  You know, to help you move past buyer's remorse."

You put your hands on top of your head, "This is a lot harder than I expected it to be."

"Don't worry, we have a free gift for you because you are such a valued customer."

"A free gift?"

"You can keep your married name if you'd like."

Sometimes You Find Yourself Saying, "What the Crud?! I honestly didn't see that coming."

Many times throughout my divorce experience I have found myself completely baffled at one thing or another.  These are things I never saw coming.  Sure, this happens in life as a general rule.  But in divorce it seems to be an exaggerated effect.  Things happen all the time that make you want to say, "What the Crud!?"

Any way, I saw something else this week that made me say this.  Follow this link and look at the first picture.  What you are seeing isn't snow, it isn't water, it's spider webs!  EWWWWW!  http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/thousands-spiders-blanket-australian-farm-escaping-flood-165958059.html

So, whether you're forced to evacuate your Australian farm because thousands of wolf spiders invade your land, or whether your divorce is somewhat surprising, you're not alone in saying, "What the Crud?!  I honestly didn't see that coming!" 

"Pinterest Fail"

So, I found this hilarious website the other day. First, let me start off by saying that I am not a member of Pinterest.  I am afraid that if I were to join it that I'd waste time on there.  But then the other day I found this website called Pinterest Fail.  And now I am seriously tempted to join Pinterest just so that I could submit on their page.  Basically, it's a place for people to share the DIY project they found on Pinterest and then to share how their attempt to recreate it turned out.  Then other people can comment and give advice, etc.  It is pretty funny!

http://www.pinterestfail.com/

Find: Interesting Divorce Laws

Check this out!  I laughed out loud at some of these divorce laws.  My favorite one is the second one, the one from Kentucky.  I won't give it away by telling you what it is, you just have to go see for yourself.  But I do wonder what happened in the first place to get this law written.  ?????????  Who knows.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/27/divorce-laws-which-divorc_n_1457486.html

BIG Divorce Settlements

Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_expensive_divorces .  It's nothing crazy, just a list of some pretty darn expensive divorces.  Seriously, Holy Cow!  If you didn't know before: Divorce is EXPENSIVE.  Granted these are all celebrities who have more money than I have ever seen.  I am sure I will have more to come on this subject.

Dating the Cheez-it Way!

I think we should all date using the cheez-it method.  You just look at your date and think "Is this person ready?"  Are they mature enough yet?  Are they too square, or do they have a rounded out personality?  Do they melt when they see you?  Or do they have a half-baked story?  Maybe they act like they invented the cheese wheel? 
But the most important thing we learn from Cheez-its?  Real Cheese Matters.  I mean... Real Men Matter.  In other words: Don't Settle!

Bad Form: Got Milk

We've all seen them, the infamous "Got Milk" advertisements.  Some of them are pretty fun.  Plus, let's face it: Not very many people could get these big stars to pose with something like a milk moustache.  It's silly, but many times enjoyable. 

Until I saw a Hayden Panettiere "Got Milk" poster hanging in an elementary school.   It's down right seductive.  Our kids get enough of this kind of junk without having it hang in their lunch room.  It isn't modest, it isn't respectful.

Any way, that's all.

Bad Form!

C'est La Vie

Hey All,

It's been a couple of weeks, I know.  But, as you all are aware, life is crazy!  Things have to get done and before you know it, time has passed super quickly.

C'est La Vie. 

-Dee

Bifurcated Divorce

Ever heard of a bifurcated divorce?  Probably not, unless you have had one or know someone who has.  My divorce was a bifurcated divorce.  Basically, bifurcating your divorce is a way to push the finality of the actual divorce while reserving the settlement of the other issues.  This has its pros and cons.  One bad thing, though, is that bifurcating may take away your ex's incentive to hurry with the rest of your case.  So potentially the settlement of everything else could last quite a while.  Plus, I don't think most people understand that it is possible to be divorced and still not have custody and assets finalized.  Thus you might get some people who assume you are still married, even though you aren't.  Remember, I'm not a lawyer.  This is just my understanding from experience. 

Any who, if you want more info, follow this link  http://myfamilylaw.com/library/divorce-separation/what-is-a-bifurcated-divorce-2/

 

Bad form: Revolution

This is my first ever "Bad Form" (Thank you for the title, Captain Hook) post.  I have been watching Revolution (NBC) since it premiered.  Last week's episode was definitely the most violent that the show had ever been, so I was already feeling ugh about the direction they were taking the series.  But then, completely out of context, full on rated "R" material.  It just came out of no where, and did not make sense within the story.  Lets just say, I have taken Revolution off of my watching list. 

Revolution, Bad form!

P.S. Thank you, FCC

Truth will out!

I looked it up!  "Truth will out" comes from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice, according to http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/390200.html.  Basically, it means that the truth will not always be able to be hidden (even if it takes a LONG time).  Having gone through many court dates, miles of court paperwork, lawyers, and many other fun divorce experiences; I think my greatest piece of advice to give is to always tell the truth.  ALWAYS tell the truth.  I have found that truth is credibility, truth is lasting, and truth is real. 

I wish we could expect everyone to tell the truth.  I can't tell you how many times I've sat in a court room, listening to lies from the other side of the room.  It wouldn't be appropriate, but sometimes I have wanted to ask my ex and his lawyer to look me in the eye and then repeat what they just told the court.  However, as time has gone on, many of the lies have come to light.  Many of the truths have "out."  Lies in the courtroom and paperwork have been refuted in subsequent testimony.  Because when your story is false, it just won't match up.  Not forever.  And then you just hope and pray that the court takes into account the dozens of conflicting claims and stories.  That someone has got to realize, that after the other side has claimed I lied on a point, they eventually always end up proving what I said to be the truth.  Because the question then follows: If she has been right and told the truth about everything thus far, what else was she right about?

So, my friends in this awful world of divorce, make sure that at the end of your battle you can hold your head high.  That no matter what happens, you know you have told the truth.   

Hope

Today I want to say a couple of words about hope.  There are times while dealing with my divorce that I want to scream.  There are times that I have felt severely taken advantage of and trampled.  But, through all of this, things have tended to work out.  Situations that started out dire turned into blessings. 

So what is my point?   Simply that hope, and keeping our chins up is important.  I know that hope is tied infinitely to truth, faith and salvation. 

I send my heart out to those of you who are feeling similar frustrations in your divorce.  It is so easy to feel like the crap you are going through will never end.  But eventually it will, I HOPE.

-Dee

"You Can't Hurry Love"

Today I'm posting a feel-good song: "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes.  Though I love the Dixie Chick cover from Runaway Bride.  This song is awesome, and so true!  It isn't a matter of IF you will find that right person, it is WHEN.  And if you are married, a happy marriage takes time as well.  Time and Effort. 

"Trust in time, no matter how long it takes!"

Supremes:

http://www.amazon.com/You-Cant-Hurry-Love/dp/B000VWMTOC

Runaway Bride (Dixie Chicks)

http://www.amazon.com/You-Cant-Hurry-Love/dp/B00137SYDO

FCC Deciding if They Should Allow Some Explicit Material on U.S. Television and Radio

Family Values Alert!  Apparently the FCC (the Federal Communications Commission) in the United States is considering relaxing it's treatement of some explicit material on television and radio.  Profanity, frontal female nudity, etc.  They are taking public comment until April 30th 2013, I believe. Go check it out. 

Straight from the FCC- http://transition.fcc.gov/Daily_Releases/Daily_Business/2013/db0401/DA-13-581A1.pdf

Snopes - http://www.snopes.com/politics/sexuality/fccban.asp

Yahoo News - http://news.yahoo.com/fcc-seeks-public-review-tv-radio-decency-policy-225421851.html


They just keep hacking away, splinter by splinter and sometimes branch by branch at our values.

What has helped you through your divorce?

This is a question for YOU!

What is it that has helped you through your divorce the most? 

 Please feel free to comment!

Self Worth and Divorce

I've seen a lot of divorced people who feel like their self worth is less than it used to be.  I'm sure that a lot of this is affected by the reasons for divorce.  For instance, if your ex was cheating or had an addiction or something.  And divorce itself is depressing.  But whatever the case, we need to remember that we are all unique, special, and that we all have something to contribute.  Just because someone else may have failed to recognise these things, doesn't mean that our self worth is at all diminished.

On http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-worth, I found this quote from Abraham Lincoln.

“It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.”
―  Abraham Lincoln

Response to red and pink equal sign

So I logged onto Facebook today, and immediately wondered what the little red and pink equal signs were.  When I found out, I knew we needed a response.  So, I came up with this "M" for marriage.

Once you start trying to get rid of traditional values, where does it stop?  Before you know it, people will be trying to get rid of the value of hard work.  They will expect the government to support them.  Oh wait...


Anyway, If anyone wants to use this picture, go ahead!

-Dee

Marriage Celebrations March 26, 2013!

So this week the Supreme court is going to be looking at a couple of cases that effect if marriage can only be between a man and a women.  (More posts about this later)

There are multiple events going on accross the USA this tuesday to celebrate marriage between a man and a women, and show support for this cause.

The two I have heard about so far are

1) Washington D.C.'s MARCH FOR MARRIAGE. on March 26, 2012 from 8:30 am to 1:00pm.  For More information, go check out their website at https://www.marriagemarch.org/about/

2) Utah's Celebration of Marriage on March 26, 2012 at 7:00pm at the state Capitol.  For more information, go to http://utahcelebrationofmarriage.com/

Both Celebrations look like they will have music and speakers. 

If you know of any other Marriage Celebrations accross the country, please let me know! 

Also, if anybody wants to take pictures for me, or send me comments or stories from attending these or similar events, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE email me at emailvorce@gmail.com

The Insulting Jacket!

Last week I decided to splurge and buy myself a new jacket!  When I got home, I found this sticker on it:

How insulting!  Plus, by the time I found this sticker, I had already cut off at least 2 tags that said similar things.  Like I need another thing to point out my "Few Unwanted Pounds!"  I got the point that it was a large size from the sign in the store, the marker on the hanger, the printed size on the tag and the little paper slips they attached with those plastic string things.  I think it even said it was a large on my receipt!  If I were this manufacturer, I'd put a compliment on here instead.  Maybe "Hey!  You look great!" or "Gorgeous, Gorgeous, Gorgeous." Oooh, I like that!  "Gorgeous, Gorgeous, Gorgeous!"  Or if they insist on putting the size on there for the hundredth time, they could put "Gorgeous and Large, Gorgeous and Large, Gorgeous and Large!" 

I'd like that!  Clothes that literally complement you! 

Know of a company that actually does this? Or something similar?  Send me an e-mail at emailvorce@gmail.com

Just a note: The jacket itself was really cute!
Plan for a future post:  Weight Loss Goals!  :)

How to Act Around Someone Who is Getting a Divorce

I think that most people don't know what to say or how to act around someone that is getting a divorce.  The link in my last post touched just briefly on this, but I wanted to address it just a bit more. 

Divorce is traumatic, like death or an accident or losing one's job.  Except you don't get flowers, you probably won't get a sympathy card and people might avoid you because they don't know what to say.  Sometimes this is a good thing.  You might not want to dwell on your failed marriage and people bringing it up just might make the situation more sore.  At the same time, this is something you are going through and it is weird not to feel support.  Simply put: don't take it personally.  The people around you don't know your situation, even if you feel like you've told them. Some people will feel pitty, some people will scowl at you, some will ignore you because they might be having marital problems and talking about your divorce is not good for them at the moment.

My advice to those who know someone who is getting a divorce: Divorce is always sad.  No matter what the reasons or what the situation, it is always sad.  Realize that the parties involved are going through a drastic change in life.  Their finances, time, physical and mental energy among other things are being stretched.  Even if the person you know is getting out of a dangerous situation, they are still going through all of these things.  Don't necessarlily be affraid to ask them how they are doing.            Just letting them know that you are there for them is a huge thing.

My advice to those who are getting a divorce:  Don't expect masses of friends to come and support you.  Sad, I know.  But remember, they are nervous about saying the wrong thing.  Some may be proactive in checking in with you and some may not.  Family may be different, it just depends.  Keep up with family and friends, don't wait for them to call.  Call them up for an outing or what not.  Make sure not to crowd the conversation by continuously talking about your divorce.  I'm not saying don't talk about it, but don't make that the sole topic.  Make sure to keep up on prayer and other religious activities.  God will always be there for you.

Thats my advice as someone who has been through a divorce, take it or leave it.

Find on Loneliness

I really liked this article on oprah.com , http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Cope-with-Loneliness-Dealing-With-Divorce-Alexandra-Fuller/1 .  Mostly because it portrays divorce in a realistic way.  It doesn't pretend that it is easy or that everyone will come to your aid or even know how.  Divorce is, in a word, pain.  So, go check it out.

Let's get started here!

Hello All!  I'm Dee.  I'm here to share tidbits and finds as I survive the madness of life and divorce.