It's the weekend! Well, almost. Just a few more hours and then it's official, right? So, I thought I'd leave you with an interesting read. The woman in this article decided to do something unusual with her wedding dress after she got a divorce. I am not sure I would do this, but you have to give her props for being brave and for trying to make good memories out of something that could otherwise be sour.
Article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/texas-woman-poses-in-wedding-gown-after-divorce_us_56e0b06ee4b0b25c9180be26
What do you think? What do you plan to do, or what did you do with your wedding gown after divorce?
Friday, May 27, 2016
Monday, May 23, 2016
If you don't want kids, don't date me
Finding that special someone can be complicated. But, let me set one record straight:
It is ok to not want to date someone with kids.
Did you hear me? It's ok!
Taking on kids is a huge responsibility. Financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. If someone isn't ready or prepared for that, they shouldn't jump into that kind of situation.
And I would rather be treated truthfully than led on.
I don't take it personally, I don't get offended, and I don't get angry.
I was asked by a friend a while ago if she could set me up on a blind date with a guy who I kind of knew. From what I knew about him, I was excited to be set up on the date and said yes. However, a week or so later, my friend said that he wasn't interested right now.
Was it because I am divorced? Was it because I am a parent?
Who really knows what all. But I have no problem with it. More like, if you aren't interested, thanks for not wasting my time.
Straight forward.
If you know you are the wrong guy for me and my situation, that is ok. I'm not looking for the wrong guy, I'm looking for the right guy.
It is ok to not want to date someone with kids.
Did you hear me? It's ok!
Taking on kids is a huge responsibility. Financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. If someone isn't ready or prepared for that, they shouldn't jump into that kind of situation.
And I would rather be treated truthfully than led on.
I don't take it personally, I don't get offended, and I don't get angry.
I was asked by a friend a while ago if she could set me up on a blind date with a guy who I kind of knew. From what I knew about him, I was excited to be set up on the date and said yes. However, a week or so later, my friend said that he wasn't interested right now.
Was it because I am divorced? Was it because I am a parent?
Who really knows what all. But I have no problem with it. More like, if you aren't interested, thanks for not wasting my time.
Straight forward.
If you know you are the wrong guy for me and my situation, that is ok. I'm not looking for the wrong guy, I'm looking for the right guy.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Love is a battlefield?
I love that song by Pat Benatar, but I have learned something along the way of life...
Friday, May 13, 2016
How to act around people who are getting a divorce
I think it's safe to say that most people don't know what to say or how to act around someone that is getting a divorce.
Divorce is traumatic, like death or an accident or losing one's job. Except you probably won't get flowers, you probably won't get a sympathy card and people might avoid you because they just don't know what to say. It's awkward. But sometimes this is a good thing. You might not want to dwell on your failed marriage and people bringing it up just might make the situation more sore. At the same time, this is something you are going through and it is weird not to feel support. It can feel weird to not have even close friends ask you about how one of the biggest things in your life is going.
Simply put: don't take it personally. The people and friends around you don't know your situation, even if you feel like you've told them all the details. Because no one has lived your life. And lots of people can't understand and can't grasp a situation until they have lived it themselves. And even then, sometimes living it appears to send them into denial.
And then some people will feel pity, some people will scowl at you, some will ignore you because they might be having marital problems and talking about your divorce is really not good for them at the moment.
My advice to those who know someone who is getting a divorce: Divorce is always sad. No matter what the reasons or what the situation, it is always sad. Realize that the parties involved are going through a drastic change in life. Their finances, time, physical and mental energy among other things are being stretched. Even if the person you know is getting out of a bad situation, and the divorce is needed, they are still going through all of these things. Don't necessarily be afraid to ask them how they are doing. Just letting them know that you are there for them is a huge thing.
On the flip side:
My advice to those who are getting a divorce: Don't expect masses of friends to come and support you. Sad, I know. But remember, they are nervous about saying the wrong thing. Some may be proactive in checking in with you and some may not. Family may be different, though there is a good chance it won't be. It just depends. Keep up with family and friends, don't wait for them to call. Call them up for an outing or what not. Make sure not to crowd the conversation by continuously talking about your divorce. I'm not saying don't talk about it, but don't make that the sole topic. And make sure to keep up on prayer and other religious activities. God will always be there for you, even when other people don't know how to be.
That's my advice as someone who has been through a divorce, take it or leave it.
Divorce is traumatic, like death or an accident or losing one's job. Except you probably won't get flowers, you probably won't get a sympathy card and people might avoid you because they just don't know what to say. It's awkward. But sometimes this is a good thing. You might not want to dwell on your failed marriage and people bringing it up just might make the situation more sore. At the same time, this is something you are going through and it is weird not to feel support. It can feel weird to not have even close friends ask you about how one of the biggest things in your life is going.
Simply put: don't take it personally. The people and friends around you don't know your situation, even if you feel like you've told them all the details. Because no one has lived your life. And lots of people can't understand and can't grasp a situation until they have lived it themselves. And even then, sometimes living it appears to send them into denial.
And then some people will feel pity, some people will scowl at you, some will ignore you because they might be having marital problems and talking about your divorce is really not good for them at the moment.
My advice to those who know someone who is getting a divorce: Divorce is always sad. No matter what the reasons or what the situation, it is always sad. Realize that the parties involved are going through a drastic change in life. Their finances, time, physical and mental energy among other things are being stretched. Even if the person you know is getting out of a bad situation, and the divorce is needed, they are still going through all of these things. Don't necessarily be afraid to ask them how they are doing. Just letting them know that you are there for them is a huge thing.
On the flip side:
My advice to those who are getting a divorce: Don't expect masses of friends to come and support you. Sad, I know. But remember, they are nervous about saying the wrong thing. Some may be proactive in checking in with you and some may not. Family may be different, though there is a good chance it won't be. It just depends. Keep up with family and friends, don't wait for them to call. Call them up for an outing or what not. Make sure not to crowd the conversation by continuously talking about your divorce. I'm not saying don't talk about it, but don't make that the sole topic. And make sure to keep up on prayer and other religious activities. God will always be there for you, even when other people don't know how to be.
That's my advice as someone who has been through a divorce, take it or leave it.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
What does a divorce cost?
Divorce costs are all over the board. Obviously.
According to Cost Helper, a do-it-yourself divorce can cost several hundred dollars.
Which, to me, sounds cheap. My experience is so far past that amount that my brain hears a couple hundred dollars and wants to shut down. But... most of the time when I hear about the do- it- yourselfers, it is in a case where the two parties are getting along just fine and they don't have anything to argue over. And, as Cost Helper points out, a fill in the blank divorce can create some problems.
Cost Helper says that an uncontested divorce usually costs between $1,000 to $10,000 dollars. The contested divorce average is $5,000 to $25,000. But then later the article says that it can be $20,000 to $50,000 when paying hourly (which the uncontested and contested are paying as well I am sure), or it can cost even more in emotionally charged cases.
I won't tell you what I have paid thus far in my divorce case, but I will say: Ouch.
Now, I would love to have all of that money back. But I wouldn't have wanted to do this without a lawyer. The lawyer is supposed to help you get things right, to help you navigate the divorce process. They actually know what they are doing.
But don't necessarily get sticker shock. There are ways to keep costs down, like keeping phone calls with your lawyer short. But I will talk about that in another post.
Anyone want to share what they spent on their divorce?
According to Cost Helper, a do-it-yourself divorce can cost several hundred dollars.
Which, to me, sounds cheap. My experience is so far past that amount that my brain hears a couple hundred dollars and wants to shut down. But... most of the time when I hear about the do- it- yourselfers, it is in a case where the two parties are getting along just fine and they don't have anything to argue over. And, as Cost Helper points out, a fill in the blank divorce can create some problems.
Cost Helper says that an uncontested divorce usually costs between $1,000 to $10,000 dollars. The contested divorce average is $5,000 to $25,000. But then later the article says that it can be $20,000 to $50,000 when paying hourly (which the uncontested and contested are paying as well I am sure), or it can cost even more in emotionally charged cases.
I won't tell you what I have paid thus far in my divorce case, but I will say: Ouch.
Now, I would love to have all of that money back. But I wouldn't have wanted to do this without a lawyer. The lawyer is supposed to help you get things right, to help you navigate the divorce process. They actually know what they are doing.
But don't necessarily get sticker shock. There are ways to keep costs down, like keeping phone calls with your lawyer short. But I will talk about that in another post.
Anyone want to share what they spent on their divorce?
Friday, May 6, 2016
Everyone can find a creep. You need to find a good person.
I've said it before: don't settle.
If you had no standards you could be married tomorrow. There's a creep for everyone!
Case in point:
If you had no standards you could be married tomorrow. There's a creep for everyone!
Case in point:
"Hey, Mom and Dad... I've found someone! And don't worry, she's totally over that whole killing her boyfriend thing. I think."
Seriously? What is wrong with people?
Everyone can find a creep. What you need to do (if you are single) is find a decent, good person with values like your own.
Otherwise, you will hit a point where you will regret your decision in multiple ways.
This is not a race to see who can find a spouse first, or who can find the richest, most good looking spouse. The point in marriage is to find the RIGHT person.
I would rather wait a lifetime to find the right person to be happy and safe with than marry the wrong person sooner and either not be happy or not be safe or what have you.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Working together?
I thought I would share some of the advice given during one of our court hearings:
The Commissioner told us that it is not weakness when you work together.
My ex likes to fight, which makes it extremely tough to come together on any subject. Because he would rather fight than resolve something.
Don't do that. Be reasonable. I'm not saying to give in on crazy, wrong things. But give in where it is reasonable to do so.
When something is reasonable, I give in. When it is not reasonable, I try to give alternate ideas to resolve the situation. And if that is not possible, then I try to be as calm in my response as possible.
Just my personal thoughts on that advice. Take it or leave it.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Final Divorce Agreement 8: Debts
(Remember I am not a lawyer or professional of any kind. These are purely my thoughts on my own personal experiences.)
Debt. Ugh. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
No one likes it, no one wants it. And you certainly don't want someone else's debt.
Cars, homes, student loans, furniture, business, etc. etc. etc. Debt can be gained in many ways.
My ex had incurred debt on his own during the marriage without my input. Things he bought that he was still in possession of, that I frankly never even saw.
After the divorce, I didn't want to be responsible for those things.
And, I thought it only fair that we each be responsible for things like our own student loans. Of which he had a TON!
So in our final agreement we agreed to separate our debts. I kept what was in my name, he kept what was in his.
We were lucky to not have very much debt between us, and I know that not all divorce situations are like that. Credit card debt, owning a home or multiple of them, legal fees, medical bills, etc. It can all accumulate.
If you have been divorced, how did you handle the debt?
For Past Final Divorce Agreement Posts, read:
Final Divorce Agreement 7: Who claims the kids on the taxes?
Final Divorce Agreement 6: If you don't include it, it won't matter
Final Divorce Agreement 5: Contact Information
Final Divorce Agreement 4: Arrearage
Final Divorce Agreement 3: Transportation
Final Divorce Agreement 2: Life Insurance
Final Divorce Agreement 1: Always Reread the Document
Debt. Ugh. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
No one likes it, no one wants it. And you certainly don't want someone else's debt.
Cars, homes, student loans, furniture, business, etc. etc. etc. Debt can be gained in many ways.
My ex had incurred debt on his own during the marriage without my input. Things he bought that he was still in possession of, that I frankly never even saw.
After the divorce, I didn't want to be responsible for those things.
And, I thought it only fair that we each be responsible for things like our own student loans. Of which he had a TON!
So in our final agreement we agreed to separate our debts. I kept what was in my name, he kept what was in his.
We were lucky to not have very much debt between us, and I know that not all divorce situations are like that. Credit card debt, owning a home or multiple of them, legal fees, medical bills, etc. It can all accumulate.
If you have been divorced, how did you handle the debt?
For Past Final Divorce Agreement Posts, read:
Final Divorce Agreement 7: Who claims the kids on the taxes?
Final Divorce Agreement 6: If you don't include it, it won't matter
Final Divorce Agreement 5: Contact Information
Final Divorce Agreement 4: Arrearage
Final Divorce Agreement 3: Transportation
Final Divorce Agreement 2: Life Insurance
Final Divorce Agreement 1: Always Reread the Document
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