Remember the kids can hear you

I had never seen this deleted scene from Mrs. Doubtfire before. I think I agree with Today EXTRA that the movie was better without it.

Now, I agree with the mom in that it would honestly be disturbing if you found out that your ex had been dressing up as a woman to come and clean your house and watch your kids.

And, frankly, the kids would need to know that that isn't normal. Or healthy.

But, whatever the case. Whether you are right or not, think deep about whether it is something the kids should hear or not. Sometimes the kids may need to hear something, like that it isn't normal for their father to trick their mom into thinking he's a woman. But sometimes then it is very inappropriate for the kids to overhear something.

I am dealing with this constantly. My ex and his spouse are constantly saying or doing things that I want to say, "Hello! Hello! The kid can hear you!!! What are you thinking?"

Or the worst is when my kid expresses a concern and they brush it off or say that it is unfounded.

Children are human beings. Have some respect and know that they aren't just an impartial bystander. They can hear you!

Divorce Survival Kit

Be nice to your family's exes

One of the things I had to mourn the most over, after the divorce, was the loss of my ex-husband's family. In my case it happened overnight. We were supposedly working things out, and I suddenly stopped getting invited to family events.

Why Dee, that's weird!

Yes, but I know the reason. See, I think my Ex's family wanted to hide the fact we were having issues from the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents.

So there wasn't any "goodbye" period. Which made it harder. Suddenly I was just out of the family.

I felt particularly close to one side of the family, and that was the hardest. I felt like my Ex had made all of these choices, and yet I was being punished for them.

It was hard.

Then, in the past couple of years, I have either been contacted by a couple of them or they have treated me so nicely when we ran into each other.

This made me want to cry!

What a difference from his family members that can't look straight at me. That are snotty and can't even look in my direction.

If someone in your family gets divorced, please be nice to their Ex. I'm not saying that you have to agree with them, or that you have to take their side. But just being nice and even cordial can go a long way.

Do you have these issues with your ex's family?

3 Must Haves When Dealing With Your Ex!

Divorce is not fashionable

I am always surprised at how many divorce blogs try to make divorce seem sexy and fashionable.

Like, just because your marriage fell apart you are suddenly cool?

No. No, no, no.

There is a difference between "I am divorced and thus I am going to go on a journey to rediscover the things I love", and the complete opposite viewpoint of "I am divorced and thus I am awesome by default."

Divorce is sad. And if you are cool, it has nothing to do with your dissolution of marriage.

Divorce should be abhorred, not looked at like a pass to the popular table.

After you spend gobs and gobs of money, have worry after worry after worry, and are introduced to our "simple" court system, you might realize how UNCOOL divorce actually is.

Sometimes it is necessary. And sometimes divorce can lead to good things. That is why it exists at all. But divorce itself is not fun. It is not cool, and it is not awesome. And it is definitely not sexy.


What do you think? Are you cool because of your divorce? Or in spite of it?

The Sharing-info log

I hate logs. With a passion.

But I absolutely love what logs can accomplish. With a passion.

They are a pain to keep up, but they can be a life saver in a legal battle. Or just as a way to remember exactly what happened and when.

The log I want to talk about today is the "Sharing Information Log."


What: A log to track every time you share information with your ex

Why: Because sometimes exes like to claim that they are being kept out of the loop


I can say, "Yes. I did tell you about the tuba recital, on December 1st. In an e-mail." And it is easy for me to remember that because I put it in my sharing information log. And then I go to my e-mail log and pull out the e-mail I sent him.

I can say, "Yes. I did tell you about the medication the doctor prescribed. In a text message on December 1st." and then I pull the text from the e-mail log.

I WOULD NOT actually say it to my ex like I just put above. That sounds confrontational. But my point to you is to point out the information I can know from my log.


On the flip side, I also make notes about when I ask my ex about something and never get an answer. Or get an answer that is proved untrue.

This whole sharing information thing can go both ways and depends greatly on your custody arrangement, situation. etc.

But get your ducks in a row and if you need to for your situation, keep track of the information you share. And if you need to, the information your ex doesn't share.

If it is an issue, you have to document it.

(Remember I am not an attorney, and this is not advice for you specifically. This is purely my thoughts on what I have learned and my personal opinion. Consult a lawyer for your own situation.)

Do you keep the pictures and trinkets?

The question is, do you keep old pictures of you and your ex? Do you keep old keepsakes from your relationship?

I think a big part of the answer is another question: do you have children?

If you do have children, everything changes. If they are young enough that they won't remember you being together then you may want to just put some of the pictures/keepsakes in a box. Because at some point they may be curious and want to see these things.

Older kids may want to keep pictures in their scrap book or something. Or maybe something in their room? They are old enough to remember, so it would be different.

However, if you don't have kids then whatever. Put a page in your scrapbook to remember, and then toss the rest.

But, that is just me. What do you think? What would you do?  What did you do?

Final Divorce Agreement 7: Who claims the kids on the taxes?

(I am not a lawyer, accountant, or professional of any kind. These are simply notes and thoughts from my own experience. Retain your own lawyer, CPA, etc. to help you in these matters)


There are a couple of really big subject matters when it comes to your final stipulation, and the subject of taxes is definitely one of them.

Will it be you or your ex that claims the kids on the taxes and gets the tax benefits?

Sometimes you will hear of people splitting the years. For instance, Dad claims the children on tax years ending in an even number, and Mom claims the children on tax years ending in an odd number. Or whatever. Which I personally think makes more sense if the children are spending their time equally between the two houses or if the parents really are splitting the cost of raising the children. But that is just my personal opinion.

Lots of people don't realize how much money it really takes to raise even just one child. Food, clothing, ammenities (they have to have heat, water, etc.), their portion of the roof over their heads, things that they need around the house like towels and bedding, the cost of gas to get them to where they need to go, their portion of the car that you had to buy (you think a couple without children would buy a huge van? No, this is an expense that helps in raising the kids), every single thing you buy to keep the house clean, do the laundrey, dishes, etc (you spend more on these things the more kids you have), school supplies and costs, doctors visits, home medical supplies, child proof gadgets depending on the age of your child, etc. etc. etc. That is without mentioning any toys, fun outings, special medical needs, etc. Add two kids onto your family and suddenly a trip to the movies with drinks feels more like an investment. I don't know if the court would consider all of these things, but this is the reality of what it takes to raise a kid.

I have heard of so many parents who feel they are paying too much in child support. And I'm not saying they aren't. It's just that . . . they probably aren't. When a kid lives with you full time you naturally spend more and more money on them because their living needs have to be met.

My ex is one of these that wants to pay nothing in child support.

So when we came up with a final stipulation I was considering this. I was considering the fact that he pays very little in support. And yet he wanted to claim my kid every other year on his taxes.

Note: It is my express opinion that the child tax credit is there to help people who are actually bearing the cost of raising a child. Not just so you can get a tax break for reproducing.

The IRS has specific guidelines for people who want to claim children on their taxes. These standards can help ensure that the tax break is given to the parent who is actually bearing the truer cost of raising a kid. Do your research.

Go to this page on the IRS WEBSITE and this page on the IRS Website for a bit more information.

Among other things, these links also say that if a noncustodial parent wants to claim the children as dependents, then the custodial parent has to sign a waiver form for them to do so.

One thing you need to be aware of that a lot of people miss. Tax years do not match the year you are currently in. So, if an ex is eligible to claim a kid on his taxes for tax year 2016, then he would claim that kid while doing 2016's taxes in 2017. See what I mean? So the question is are you able to claim the dependent in 2016 (and thus for the tax year 2015)? Or are you able to claim the dependent for the Tax year 2016 (and thus while you are doing your taxes in 2017)?

Get your ducks in a row and figure out what you are really putting into your stipulation.

And like I said, get a lawyer, get a cpa, these posts are just my musings of my personal experiences.



For Past Final Divorce Agreement Posts, read:

Final Divorce Agreement 6: If you don't include it, it won't matter

Final Divorce Agreement 5: Contact Information

Final Divorce Agreement 4: Arrearage

Final Divorce Agreement 3: Transportation

Final Divorce Agreement 2: Life Insurance

Final Divorce Agreement 1: Always Reread the Document

Just a note to all of my single friends

Just a note to all of my single friends -

If you are having problems and issues with a person while you are dating, it will NOT get better during marriage.

In fact, my guess is that it will get worse. If he drives you nuts while dating, he will drive you even more nuts when you are married. If she doesn't respect you while dating, she'll respect you even less when married. If he or she is abusive, addicted, cheating, etc. during dating... it will get worse when married.

Marriage will make a good thing even better, and it will make a bad thing worse.

Find a good thing that will make marriage awesome!